Does Managing Adult ADHD Feel Draining And Defeating?

  • Do you often feel like your life just isn’t working?
  • Are you tired of misplacing your keys, forgetting important details, missing crucial dates, losing track of time or procrastinating until the very last minute?
  • Do you feel overwhelmed by a constant sense of chaos, no matter how hard you try to find order and calm?
  • Do you struggle with social situations and intimate relationships, fearing that people find you “annoying” or “weird”?
  • Are you caught in a loop of shame and self-criticism, struggling with the incessant belief that, in some essential way, you are a failure?
  • Do you wish you could develop effective strategies for coping with adult ADHD and creating the life you want?

For adults living with ADHD, these are all common experiences. That doesn’t make them any less painful or isolating. It hurts to feel as though you are constantly messing up.

And, it’s deeply frustrating to feel that, no matter how hard you work or what medication you take, you only keep falling behind.

After a lifetime of facing negative consequences, you likely anticipate judgment, rejection and failure at every turn. This can feed into looping anxiety, heavy depression and an eroding sense of self-worth.

Now, even if no one else is criticizing you, you may have become an expert at harshly criticizing yourself.

You Are Not A Failure—And You Are Not Alone

If you have been diagnosed with ADHD, then it’s true: You are different than those without it. ADHD changes the way you perceive and navigate your world.

Unfortunately, our culture—and the Western medicine model—treats differences as though they are flaws. Thanks to years of negative feedback, many, many adults with ADHD feel a deep sense of shame for all the ways they “aren’t normal.” So, you set goals and promise to make changes. When you don’t achieve those goals, you once again feel that crushing shame.

The truth is that shame keeps us stuck. Neuroscience has shown the brain responds to critical self-judgement the same way it responds to physical danger. Sensing a threat to your wellbeing, your system triggers a fight/flight/freeze response, which translates into more impulsive decision making. As a result, you fall back into the very patterns of behavior you want to escape.

In other words, shame and self-criticism take away your ability to choose.

No matter how difficult it might be to believe right now, you aren’t broken. There are many valid ways to be a person in this world. Thankfully, with the help of a skilled counselor and coach, you can break the cycle of shame and create an authentic, fulfilling life.

ADHD Therapy For Adults Can Help You Feel Empowered And Free

As a counselor with over 40 years of experience and as an adult with ADHD, I know what it’s like to feel lonely, overwhelmed and stuck.

I like using a tool metaphor for training the mind. If your car is not working, you don’t beat on the hood of the car with the toolbox. You open it up and pick the right tool for the job. Through Buddhist practice and psychological trainings, I developed a set of tools that has helped me cope with ADHD and help others build toolkits of their own.

I also know that you already have more strengths, skills and coping strategies than you realize.

ADHD counseling is all about identifying and nurturing those strengths so you can develop habits and routines that serve you.

With help, you can stop struggling to fit into an ill-fitting life template. Instead, you can build a life that fits you.

As a Zen Buddhist Priest, Pastoral Counselor and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I offer:

  • A strength- and compassion-based approach
  • A rich background, including neuropsychology training and spiritual practices
  • A welcoming environment for members of marginalized communities
  • Unique insights drawn from my personal experience with adult ADHD

Offer Yourself Compassion And Care

Therapy offers the opportunity to express your frustrations and challenges without fear that you’ll be judged or criticized.

Throughout our work together, I’ll listen deeply, with the awareness that you are the expert in your own experience. And, I’ll help you recognize that you are worthy, just as you are.

During ADHD therapy for adults, you can:

  • Install a self-observer so you can identify your unique talents and existing coping skills
  • Replace self-criticism with self-forgiveness
  • Give yourself permission to take care of yourself
  • Learn how to set healthy boundaries with work and relationships
  • Recognize what great freedom looks like for you
  • Understand that you have the power to choose how you live your life

Develop New Strategies And Routines

As you rob shame of its power, you can start to see that life is full of possibility. You have the power to choose your own route.

And, you don’t have to do it alone. I can act as your mentor and guide, offering the support and resources you need to live as your best self.

Throughout behavioral therapy for ADHD, you can:

  • Develop new skills for time management and organization
  • Practice mindfulness to reduce stress and overwhelm
  • Distinguish between opportunities to change your behaviors and signs to leave an unsustainable situation (e.g., a toxic workplace)
  • Shape your lifestyle around your strengths
  • Crystalize your goals and map concrete steps you can take in their direction
  • Explore and develop adaptive strategies for finding your own happiness, whatever that looks like for you

You may have questions or concerns about adult ADHD treatment…

What if I fail at this too?

Although adults with ADHD share some common traits, every person is unique. If therapy doesn’t help you, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed, just that you need something different. Of course, you can’t know until you try.

Remember: Shame and self-criticism are threats to your wellbeing. They keep you stuck in reaction, which leads to the same old decisions that don’t serve who you can be. Responding appropriately can be freeing, leading to new opportunities to become who you really are.

It’s fundamentally unfair to treat yourself differently than you’d treat a good friend. I invite you to start counseling with some grace and compassion, knowing mistakes will be made.

Training you mind should be approached like training a puppy. Be amused by and curious about your mistakes and false starts. Trust that, with small corrections, you can get wherever you might be headed.

You deserve to make choices based on what you want, not on what you fear.

What if we’re not a good fit?

I highly value each of my client’s individuality. I’ve taken a non-normative pathway through this life, and I believe that you deserve to carve your own path.

That means some of the ADHD coping skills that work for me might not work for you. I won’t tell you what to do or who to be. I am committed to helping you develop your own effective strategies for living with greater authenticity and ease.

It is possible that we won’t be a good fit. And that’s okay! In that case, I can direct you toward other resources that might help. No matter what, your wellbeing is my priority.

I’m already overwhelmed. I can’t add another thing.

If you have unmanaged ADHD, it makes complete sense that you feel overwhelmed. You might be struggling with a constant feeling of chaos, fueled by sensory overload and an erratic schedule. I completely understand.

I also know that it’s possible to find relief from that internal and external chaos. With help, you can stop living in survival mode. You can build a new, supportive structure for your life and your highest goals. You can offer yourself the tools you need to thrive.

Claim Your Choice

If you are interested in learning new ADHD strategies for adults, I invite you to email me at info@mtsutra.com to schedule a free, 10–15-minute phone consultation. You can ask any questions you have about ADHD, my therapy approach and my practice.

In addition, I offer a Self-Compassion quiz to help you figure out where you might need some work.